Direction in Adar
Life sometimes takes unexpected turns, and my life seems to be full of them right now. I have found that this blog has not been the right place for this part of my journey, although I have missed it.
With this new month of Adar, I am at least able to return and take stock.
I walk most weeks in Caratunk, a beloved Audubon Society refuge near to where I live. I almost always start out on the same path, and vary my route only based on the length of the walk I wish to take. I walk on the edge of a big field, and soon enter the woods where I quickly cross a stream and come to a pine grove. Next I cross the stream again and loop around to Monument Rock. The path then takes me back to the stream, where I can either cross for a third time, or continue right along its banks for a while.
This past Wednesday I walked this loop, taking in all the ice on the stream, the places where it was completely covered and the places of open water. I appreciated both the seen and the unseen movement. When I reflected my walk later, I pictured myself walking along with the flow of the stream, until I was startled to realize that the stream actually flows in the opposite direction!
Hunh. So interesting, and such a good metaphor.
Quite often recently, I have found myself thinking about how hard I try and how futile those efforts seem sometimes. I am worn out from these efforts, and even more worn out from being angry that my efforts don't seem to bear fruit. I am ready to find a different way. I am ready to stop wrestling so much, ready to stop fighting my way upstream, ready to stop walking against the current.
So I returned to my beloved Caratunk the next day and walked the same loop in the opposite direction. I was delighted to meet the stream and walk right along with it, both of us moving in the same direction. I had fun playing with making my pace match its gurgling progress. I felt lighter with this new intention, and I welcomed the shift within me.
I continued along, leaving the stream for a while, and when my path finally met with the stream again, I found again to my surprise that for a very short stretch, I was again walking against the current. So much for my fine grasp of the geography of Caratunk! So much for my grand metaphor!
Or maybe, actually, the back and forth is the true metaphor. Sometimes we get to go with the flow and sometimes we don't. The stream meanders on its path, my feet meander on theirs. We meet and separate and meet again. Sometimes we are sync, sometimes we are not. And it's all fine, it's all real, it all contains beauty.
Here, in Adar, I will continue to play with walking in the opposite direction from my habitual one. I will continue to seek out ways to release more into the flow. I will continue to seek out more help and more ease and more grace. And I am sure that I will also put in great efforts that may or may not work out the way I hope. I will continue to think I'm walking in one direction when really I'm walking in another. Through it all, may I rejoice in the variety, remembering that it is all present, it is all holy, and it is, it simply IS.
In this new month, I am grateful to be able to walk along the stream, no matter the direction.
Chodesh Tov.
3 Adar 5774 * 2 February 2014
Little Gems
It's been all school search (high school for G., preschool for A.) around here lately. That, process, along with a big dose of synagogue board duties, has left little time for other pursuits. As a result, the spaciousness I am cultivating this December comes in small doses:
....taking a deep breath while looking out on the view from my window
....going on a lovely walk in the woods with frozen water droplets sparkling like diamonds
....marveling at fantastic ice formations
....walking across the same bridge a turkey crossed earlier
....making A. laugh by having my elbows talk to each other like puppets (sorry, no photo of that!)
And I am grateful for all these moments, so very grateful.
9 Tevet 5774
Tevet: Taming the Swirl
This evening marks Rosh Chodesh Tevet, the new month of Tevet, a perfect time to reset my intentions for this blog in the month ahead.
This Eastern Europe theme has me all excited and my mind is a great big swirl! I have been reading a lot, both from my personal library (books that I've always wanted to read but have never gotten around to until now) and online. I joined a Jewish genealogy site to do some research on my great-grandparents' birthplaces, and best of all, my mother located my grandfather's write-up from his roots trip in 1979.
Stacks, 12.3.13
I have so many questions and ideas that I could easily immerse myself in all this for days on end, but alas, family life is demanding as always, and I can hardly find the time to spend even a few minutes most days.
I am also finding that these inquiries do not lend themselves well to blog posts written late at night after I am done with all my parenting duties. The scope of what I am working with is just too big. With that in mind, I am setting a new intention to write anyhow...about my process, wherever I happen to be.
The Swirl
(a.k.a. a little window into why things have been quiet around here)
1. I have a little series of artwork that I am not sure how to share. The series is based on the text from the MAGI process, an imagistic meditation developed by Jason Shulman with 38 steps. It is a meditation that I have worked with for many years now and that I have found to be very powerful and helpful when encountering conflict, big decisions, and anything else that is looming large in my life. It is presenting itself as an excellent companion to my Eastern European explorations. My little pieces each include one line of the text from the meditation, and I don't feel right sharing this text that is copyrighted material. I may yet figure out how to attribute it properly, but for now it seems to be an offline activity.
2. I am still getting used to my new camera. I am far from perfecting the easy transfer of new photos from camera to the blog. I'll get there, I'm sure, but who has time to figure such things out??
3. Dreidels, dishes, and more dishes! Cooking festive meals generates a lot more dishes than usual. I love to entertain during Chanukah. This year has gone by even faster than usual, probably due to the overlap with Thanksgiving. I haven't taken many photos, but it's been a delight watching A. try to spin the dreidel before sitting quietly to watch the candles burn low.
Dreidel, 11.30.13
Happy Chanukah!
1 Tevet 5774
Thanking Mendel
The main purpose of our visit to Brno was to accompany my Uncle V. on his pilgrimage to the Augustinian Abbey, where Gregor Mendel conducted his famous experiments with pea plants in the monastery garden. Just typing those words transports me to my 10th grade science class where we learned about basic genetics.
It was not easy for us to find the Abbey, and we stopped several times to ask for directions. People were kind and eager to help, but because of the language barrier, we could not easily understand their directions. Luckily, we encountered a gentleman who spoke some English. He happened to be a gymnastics instructor in Sokol, the same method of training offered at the school where my cousin took gymnastics in Chicago. He was thrilled to know about Sokol in the US, and we all immediately bonded. He hopped in our car with us and got us to the monastery. I can't remember if he accompanied us on our tour and then we returned him to his home, or if he somehow continued on his way. In any case, he was certainly most hospitable!
As I remember it, there wasn't too much to see at the little Mendel Museum, nor were there many other visitors. I think there was just one large but dingy room with some manuscripts and the like. I don't think the gardens were open for touring but outside the entrance to the museum, there was a small flower bed arranged in a salute to Mendel's genetics experiments.
Outside the Mendel Museum, Brno, Summer 1990
Today, while the Mendel Museum may still not be a huge draw, it has undergone quite a transformation, and looks like a proper museum with modern exhibits curated in partnership with a university.
It feels right to me to write about this pilgrimage on Thanksgiving Day. The very act of going to see where Mendel did his work was a big expression gratitude and appreciation for his contribution to science. I am also thankful to know about the museum now, a more fully realized tribute and a sign of a revitalized Brno. Finally, it makes me smile to think of our impromptu guide, the Sokol instructor. Such a gift he gave us, not only in guiding us but even more so in his warm and generous nature. Meeting him was one of the highlights of the trip for me.